Recently, I was feeling quite depressed and lonely, and longing for a romantic partner. Then, after many years of being haunted by this feeling, it finally hit me: the worst thing would not be if I didn’t find the right relationship, but if I did and still felt as if I were all alone in the world. Striving to get “there” (in my case, a relationship) would not save me from my loneliness in the here and now. I need to learn the skills necessary to being happy with myself, even when I’m alone.
A short while after I realized this, I “accidentally” found a website called Inner Bonding. Although the talk about “bonding with your inner child” turned me off initially, it brought to my awareness the idea that a connection to an energy greater than us isn’t enough for a human being to be happy (I’ve written about finding a spiritual connection on my blog quite a bit and it really changed my life). We also need to have a loving relationship to ourselves, talk to ourselves and treat ourselves in a loving way. While I’ve heard this a million times, I never really understood it with my whole body instead of just intellectually – until now. I think this idea (if practiced) is revolutionary as I don’t know anyone who fully embodies this and certainly never learned how to love myself, or that this is even important.
Have you ever thought about this in depth? How is your relationship to yourself? While I am taking good care of myself, I noticed that I relate to myself like an object; like a car owner relates to their car: they expect it to do its job and do what’s necessary to maintain its functionality, but that’s nothing but an annoying, if necessary task. (Okay, I know there are people out there who love their car more than anything and enjoy washing and repairing it, but I think you know what I’m trying to say!) That’s how I feel about myself often. It’s a strange and impersonal relationship to have to yourself…
I think how we treat ourselves has a lot to do with how we grew up, and while it’s too late to get what we need from our parents (who probably never got it themselves), I’m thrilled that it’s possible to become our own good parent! You can find more details about this on the website (many free resources, AND a testimonial from Alanis Morissette!!) or in the book “Inner Bonding” by Margaret Paul. Try it!
(I keep sending you to other people’s websites, which is something a clever businesswoman should not do. So if you don’t like the Inner Bonding website, you can always go here and book an Emotion Code session with me – it’s on a pay-what-you-want basis for now, and I love that!)
Photo credit: “A Flaming I Love You” by Koinos Zoi Photography. CC license CC BY 2.0. No changes were made to the photo.