Sometimes I feel like I’m living in two worlds at once.
World # 1 is the one that is officially and by most people considered to be „the real world“: the world of reason and plans; the world where you get what you want by changing something in the external, material realm; the world of to-do lists, appointments and deadlines.
World # 2 is the one where I somehow just know with my whole being (physical and emotional) whether someone or something is right or wrong for me; where I can rely on this gut feeling; the world of feeling connected to the energy of nature, of people I really like, of the entire universe! This other world also exists when I read a book, watch a dance performance or a movie that feels like it describes me; where I intuitively understand what the artist is trying to express.
I used to rely on world # 1 for the most part: I made plans and tried to get what I want and be successful. I still feel better when I don’t just live mindlessly without giving thought to my future, my wishes and how to fulfill them. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
It’s just that most of the time, everything turned out differently from what I had planned. And in those cases where things DID go according to plan and I got what I wanted, I felt dissatisfied again soon. Most of my wishes came from my ego, which means they were always kind of boring (they were all about survival, greed and status), wrong for me and not as fulfilling as I’d hoped.
Now I’m in a situation where things aren’t going according to plan – again: My business isn’t developing as fast as I’d hoped and I am far from making a living with it. Within the next months, I have to figure something out that does pay my bills, because I’ll run out of money otherwise. A while ago, I would have been extremely worried, frantically researching the best ways to make more money, improve my marketing etc. for hours each day.
Yet, I still don’t have a plan B, and to my surprise, I’m not panicking (not too often, anyway).
Since I’m anchored in world # 2 more and more, I often feel calm. I don’t believe that I should have made more of an effort and that it’s all my fault, because I really put a lot of work into this business. Even MORE work, work, work can’t be a solution! Somehow, I feel like there is a plan, everything will arrive at the right time, and it’s all going to be alright. Am I crazy? I do sometimes wonder when I’m back in panic-mode.
Then I remember that all the fear, worry and compulsive doing, fixing and strategizing have NEVER, EVER worked for me.
I just don’t feel like doing this anymore. This time, I’ll try a different way.
I’m not talking about doing nothing and waiting for lots of money to just show up, but rather doing what I feel pulled towards. My gut feeling has been guiding me surprisingly well recently and I’m relying on it more and more.
Will this work? We’ll see.
I should probably close this post with an insight or a good piece of advice, but I have neither.
However, I’d like to know if all of this sounds crazy to you, or if you know what I mean. Do you also feel like you live in two worlds at the same time? Are you also fed up with driving yourself crazy with endless worry and compulsive activity (which is common in world #1) and ready to try following your inner voice instead (experimenting with living in world #2)? Please comment below! :)